It’s been a month now since I began this internship. I began it with a mixture of eagerness and skepticism, but things have changed. I have yet to figure out if this is the right place for me, but I’m leaving that to the Universe to help me decide.
This week I felt something different. It was a strange feeling, one that said ‘It’s okay that you’re not doing anything at the moment.’ I’ve never been comfortable with just sitting there. There was always something to do and if there wasn’t, I’d find something to do. Not doing something productive meant I wasn’t working hard and this was almost always followed by a terrible headache. Laziness just didn’t sit well with me.
As you can tell, I was paranoid about being caught slacking off. I thought that if I didn’t do it today, I would lose out on an unforeseen opportunity. My definition of working hard was tiring and I often burned out quite easily.
But this week I realized that I do work hard. I’m so committed to learning Japanese. It makes me so happy. I do work hard at my internship regardless of the fact that there’s not much I have. I do work hard at being a better version of me. I do make an effort at my relationships.
And that is enough. I am enough.